Bottomless Gonna Be on Top
by A Wolf's Nightmare
Summary: The gang falls in a bottomless pit and tell stories to pass the time
1. Intro

Goes from black into a little home. There is a window with blue and white curtains in the back with a wall that stretches from left to right. There is a television in the front of the window, just below the window's height. Two chairs are on the right and left of the TV with the arms of an old man and old woman in their respective places. The television is already turned on to the news. (The television has no sound.) A flash of lightning is seen from the window and the sound of thunder is heard. The camera zooms into the television that turns into a static screen. A warping sound is heard as it goes through and it ends up in the suburb of Mercy Falls.

The camera then lands and we see the population sign in front of the town. The sign has 'Population: In 3D' under it. We then go in. Each section will have the portion at end, (), that will be used for that whole section.

(We see the town from the front part with the sign in front of us as music starts to play.)

Mercy Falls is not what you call a normal town

(We see Wayne walk into town and look around. He has bags with him and smiles as he sees something.)

All the people here don't last a year, not even when the sun goes down

(We see Dr. Jack, Mr. Jones, Lilly, Kate, Humphrey, Claudette, Hutch, and Sebastian. Mr. Jones does a salute, Sebastian is holding a potion to his face, Humphrey and Kate are playing with Claudette, Dr. Jack stands proud as he as a bag slung over his back that's dripping blood, and Lilly is holding a mug with beer in it as she takes a drink from it.)

That is when the mayhem awakens and monsters crawl

(We see Wayne with Humphrey, Kate and Hutch and he is showing him his telephone box)

But if you want adventure, you know who to call

It is nothing that you ever saw

(We see Humphrey, Kate, and Hutch posing with their names next to their respected other, (Humphrey's name would on top of him and so on.))

We've got aliens, ghosts, Jersey Devils, and haunted halls

(Each word is said as a scene is done, a scene is anything before a comma and once the word is said, it goes to the next part.) (We then see Eros Horror pop out of the screen, then we see the Devil possessing Mr. Jones, we see the Jersey Devil look at the gang in pain, and finally we see Freddy Fazbear's pizzeria's halls with Freddy at the end of the hall slowly walking towards the camera.)

Demons, many songs, empty graves, caves, and deserted malls

(We see The Devil talking to the townspeople in the town hall, we then see many people singing songs, we then see Wayne dumping a body into an open grave, then we see everyone looking in awe at the God's Mouth that came up in Death Row Park, and finally, we see a deserted mall in Mercy Falls with people walking in it.)

Like there is anything else to do here at Mercy Falls

(A picture of everyone in the show is seen and then it changes to the title of the show with "Created By:" and "Developed By" on the bottom.


	2. Bottomless Pit

We see Wayne driving Claudette, Saul and Brian in a car. Wayne then stops at this giant hole. It has a sign next to it.

Everyone gets out and Wayne then starts to speak about the hole. Everyone makes a semi-circle around the hole.

"In this land of ours, there are many great pits. But none more bottomless than the bottomless pit. Which as you can see here is bottomless."

Wayne turned the sign around and we saw it said "Bottomless Pit". Brian raised his hand. Wayne pointed to him.

"Yes, Brian?"

"Question. Is it bottomless?"

"*Sighs* Kids, can one of you try explaining this to him?"

"Wayne, why are we here again?"

Wayne then pulled stuff out his lab coat.

"To dispose of things that we don't want. So long, parking tickets!"

He then throws the tickets down the pit. Claudette then got out a letter and an envelope. She said this as she threw it in the pit.

"Goodbye, creepy love letters from a random person! Die! Die!"

"Y-yeah, random…" Saul said as he started to sweat. Of course the letter was from him.

Brian then takes off his shoes and throws them in the pit. Saul then gives him a look.

"What are you doing?"

"Throwing stuff, dude. Everyone's doin' it."

He then grabs and throws a barbecue grill down the pit. We then see Claudette pushing a large chained box toward the pit.

"What you got there, sweetie?" Wayne asked as he kept throwing paper into the hole.

"Oh, it's just my personal box of mysterious secrets. Nothing worth wondering about."

She giggles and throws the box down the pit.

"Wayne, do I really have to be the one to point out that a bottomless pit is, by definition, impossible?"

Wayne started to shake cards out of his lab coat down the pit.

"Says you."

Then, mysterious wind starts blowing. This gets the attention from everyone except Wayne who was still throwing parking tickets down the pit.

"Quick! Everyone back home!"

They start to run toward their homes, but Wayne is still there, as he tries throwing more tickets into the bottomless pit but the wind blows them into his face

"I'm not done getting rid of these yet!" He said as he tried so hard.

"Wayne! No!"

While everyone tries to pull him away from the pit, he still is trying to throw the tickets away.

"Almost... Almost... Almost!" He was edging towards the pit until the wind pushed him in and all the others pulling him back fell in with him as the weight was too much to carry.

They all start to scream.


	3. Hand Witch Story

We see a close up of Claudette's face screaming, then a close up of Saul screaming, close up of Brian screaming and finally, Wayne screaming. They then stop as nothing was happening.

"So, anyone want to scream some more?" Brian asked.

"Where are we?" Saul asked.

We see Claudette pull out a glowsitck and light it.

"We're somewhere where it looks like we're nowhere."

She then hangs the glowsitck on her arm and giggles.

"We're gonna land on something eventually. It could be any second now."

Everyone braces for a landing but nothing happens.

"Well... it looks like we're down here for the long haul. Who wants to see some card tricks?"

Wayne takes out cards, he starts to shuffle them but they fly up and away. He looks up at them and back at the gang.

"Tada!"

Brian then claps. He then speaks up. "Maybe we should pass the time by telling stories."

Saul spoke. "I've got a story. It's called the time Wayne got us all thrown into a bottomless pit where we spent the rest of our natural lives!"

Everyone was silent until Brian spoke up. "Go on..."

"I have a story for you guys… it's called… HANDS OFF!"

Switches to tile card that has a picture of hands and the two words Hands Off!

We see Humphrey, Saul and Claudette at the Mercy Falls swap meet trying to buy stuff from the lonely people selling their crappy stuff.

We see Saul go to a glasses rack and is putting on glasses. "Professor glasses! They make me look like a genius!" He turns around and crashes into the glasses rack.

We see Humphrey looking at watches. "Look at these vogue gold beauties! They're mob boss quality!" We then see the dealer of the watches who is obviously a witch as she has white hair, an elderly appearance, a wart, and long fingernails.

"Okay, kids. Prepare to watch the delicate art of the deal." Humphrey then walks over and yells, "Hey Hagface! How much for the junk watches?"

"They are not for sale! NOT FOR YOU, HUMPHREY KAFKA! THE WIND WHISPERS YOUR NAME!"

The wind starts to blow and the gang just looks at the sky. We then switch to Brian with wind chimes and the wind is making these things move he then tried to quiet them. "Shush, you guys!"

"Alright, I get it, you're creepy. Anyway, less talky, more watchy." He puts down money and takes a watch. The witch grabs his arm.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WAAATCHH!" We see the witch's eyes are rolling in the back of her head and she screams this part.

"AAH!" He pulls away. "YEESH! Freak show!" He and the kids walk away.

"Wow. Someone needs to work on their social skills."

"And their observation skills." Humphrey shows them his wrist, which has the watch on it. "BOOM! Good job, heisting hands." He then kisses his hands.

"Are you seriously shoplifting from a witch? That sounded like a curse." Saul said.

"I'll take those chances." We then cut to Humphrey in the bathroom in the morning.

"Hah! Curse? Yeah, right." He then looks at himself in the mirror. He then gets startled. "AAH! Wait, is this curse-ugly or just normal ugly? Heh. Looks like I got off scot-free."

He then holds up arms, but he has no hands. He then panics. We then cut to kitchen. Humphrey is bringing the kids a pan, with oven mitts over his arms.

"Alright kiddos, breakfast time. Prepare your mouths for- "Before he could finish he drops the pan and mitts slip off. The two respectively scream.

"NO HANDS! DAD! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS?!" Claudette yelled.

"So I might have got cursed a little. But the watch looks nice, right?"

"I told you." Saul tsk'd. "You gotta give that watch back and apologize."

"What? I don't need hands. I've got self-respect!" He tries to pick up coffee but drops it. He slaps the fork, which flings bacon at his face. He looks at them in semi-defeat. "Claudette, sweetie, will you make your dad some hands?"

Claudette then starts putting plastic cups with forks taped to them on Stan's arms. "Say hello to you new hands!"

"Nice work, kid!" He then pats her on the head but pulls out some of her hair. She pulls in a hurt way and rubs her head. "See, hands are overrated. I'm ready to take on the day." He waves as a woman walks by. "Ma'am."

She screams and runs away. We then cut to Humphrey at bowling alley. He tries to throw a ball but trips the woman behind him, who throws up a bowling ball, which crashes a TV

We then cut to him at a market. Hutch then comes in and he asks Humphrey something. "Hey, Humphrey. Should we play "Toss me a dozen eggs" like we always do?"

"No, Hutch, wait, not today!" But it was late as he started throwing eggs at him.

"NOT TODAAAY!" We see him on the floor with yolk on him. He then says in defeat. "Let's find that witch."

It cuts to the three at a cave. They enter the cave. Suddenly, a hand taps Claudette on the shoulder. "Dad, did you just tap my shoulder?"

"Kid, I can't tap anything." Hands poke Saul. He speaks up.

"Guys, can you stop tapping both my shoulders?"

Claudette then looks up and shines a flashlight at cave roof, revealing that it is covered in hands. They Scream. The hands attack them. Saul punches several hands before one grabs his face

Hands are slapping Stan. Claudette plays Rock Paper Scissors with two of the hands. They win and chase her. Then we hear a laugh. They all look and see it's the witch.

"Look at this... touching scene! Up top!" She then high fives a hand. "You guys... you guys get me."

"Alright. You got me. Stealing is wrong, et cetera." He shakes the watch off. "Now can I have my hands back? I have a certain gesture I'd like to share with you."

"Alas, your hands cannot be gotten so easily. The spirits say... ummm... that the curse can only be broken, by a kissss..."

"What?!" Everyone said.

Humphrey sighs and gets up. "It's alright, kids. Just look away." He then goes over and bends down a bit and then, kisses her hand.

"A KISS ON THE LIIIIPPSS!"

"What? Forget it! I'm not kissing any of that mess! I don't need my hands that bad!"

"Yeah, you're just making stuff up now." They start to leave.

"NO, WAIT DON'T GO! Ehh- you're right, you're right. I-I-I was just making all of that stuff up. I-I was just trying to get something going, you know? It's so hard to meet people these days..." She then snaps fingers and hands let kids go.

"So this was all just a ploy to get a date?" Claudette asked.

"I'M DESPERATE, OKAY? What was I supposed to do?"

"How about say "Here's your hands back?""

"Oh, fine!" he hands come out of her hair and crawl around Humphrey's face before reattaching. "Shakey! Scratchy! I've missed you, old rascals. You're all right, sister." There was an awkward silence until the witch spoke up.

"Will you be my boyfriend now?"

"Nope. Never." They then walked away from the cave "Well. I learned nothing."


	4. Pinball Story

Back to the pit, we see the gang still falling in the pit. Claudette started to talk as Saul finished his story.

"I spy with my little eye something that is... Black!"

Brian raised his hand and answered. "Ooh ooh! Everything!"

"Correct! Yay for Brian!" She started to clap.

"Yay for Brian!" He said to himself. Claudette then spoke up again.

"Hey guys, who wants to pass the time by spinning?"

"No." Saul said annoyed by the bottomless hole. But Claudette didn't care. She then took Saul's body and started to spin him around.

"Woooaah!" Saul said as he started to spin uncontrollably.

Brian and Wayne started chuckling.

Claudette then starts running on top of Dipper. "Weeee!" She yelled in excitement.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow."

"Saul's pain is funny, but I'm starting to get bored. Brian, tell a story."

Brian then started to think of something. He then gasped and started to talk.

"Okay, Okay. This story is called "Brian's really good Pinball story. Is that a good title? Does it have to be a pun or whatever?"

"Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!" We hear the two teens chanting as Brian was playing an arcade game. He was playing pinball. The theme was western and this was his best game to play.

"This is it, dudes. After 4 long months of trying, I might finally get a high score on this creepy old pinball machine. If I do this, I'll go down in pinball history, with the likes of Sal, Gaff, and of course, Poo."

"Have you ever tried maybe tilting the machine?" Saul asked.

"I don't know, dudes, isn't breaking the rules like, against the rules?"

"Nuts to the rules! Tilt! Tilt! Tilt!" Then they heard the noise. It was the "You Lose" Noise that would usually play.

"Failure! You stink!" The cowboy head inside the game said.

"All right, that's it! Are you ready, kids?" The two then started to rock the machine back and forth as Brian started to play. The cowboy head said only this.

"Quit tiltin', partner. Quit tiltin'!"

"Tilt!" Brian said as he pulled up the game. The ball then tilts into the goal)

"Bulls-eye! New high score!" The cowboy said. Everyone started cheering.

"This is the best moment of my life. This totally beats my old best moment of being able to stick three balls in my mouth."

"Rubber balls right?" Claudette asked.

"Um… it tasted like that…"

"That ain't right. You cheated…." The cowboy head said.

"Oh, yeah. What are you gonna do about it? You're just a Pinball game."

"Uh, isn't there an awful lot of green lightning coming out of that game?" Saul asked with Brian answering.

"No, that's the normal amount of green lightning." Lightning then strikes them. We see Brian lying down and hitting a buzzer. He then says this.

"Uh, 5 more minutes." He then gets up. "Ah! Wait. That's not a normal alarm clock." Runs up to the teens; they are all wearing old west themed clothes.

"Brian! We're inside the game!" Claudette said.

"Awesome!" Saul exclaimed.

"Dude, if this is a dream, I never want to wake up!" Brian said as the camera pans out and we see more of the pinball game set with him in the middle. Then a voice was heard.

"That can be arranged." Everyone turned and we see the pinball cowboy head. "Welcome to Tumbleweed Terror, partners."

"Did you zap me into your game to congratulate me on getting my new score? I beat Poo, dude!"

"Pardon, and if'n I do recall, I did warned y'all not to cheat. I tried to be gentleman-like, but I'm plum sick of being tilted. So, now I reckon, I'm gonna tilt you." He said ominously. He then laughs.

"Get yourselves ready for the..." A flip-card ontop of the head started to flip and then it froze on one word… Multi-ball.

"Multi-Ball!" Everyone screamed. Everone started to move out the way as the balls were coming. Then Saul yelled and pointed to a direction.

"Over there!" They all run behind a wall.

The pinball cowboy then looked around. "Where are you? I'm not done teaching you a lesson about cheating yet!"

We see the gang panting behind a wall. Claudette speaks up. "How are we gonna get out of here? Think, guys."

"I'm trying. But it's hard with that gorgeous pinball wench distracting me." Brian said as the camera then cuts to a cutout of a woman. He waves at the cutout. The two teens give him a look and he stops.

"Okay. Don't worry, guys, I know every inch of this machine. There's a manual power switch inside. I can sneak in there and turn off the game. But we'll have to distract the cowboy guy. Are any of you good at jumping up and down and making annoying noises?"

"Our time has come!" Claudette and Saul said together. Then Saul began to speak.

"Alright, let's go. Brian?" we then see him with the pinball wench.

"So are you, like, doing anything later?" Saul kicks the wench and reveals to him it's fake. "Oh, right."

Saul and Claudette then jump up on a buzzer as Brian goes to the lower level.]

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Look at me and listen to what I'm doing! BUZZZZZZ! DISTRACTION! DISTRACTION! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!" Claudette exclaimed as she moved around.

"Something ain't right here. Let me see where this is going." We see Brian go to the depths of the machine and we see the off switch. It's green and has text written on the wall behind it.

"Yippy ti yi what? Where are ya?" They left. He tries to turn. "Darnit, I wish I had a neck."

We see the teens are looking in the hole that Brian made to get in the off switch room and Saul speaks up. "What's going on? Just press the switch already!"

"Okay, so I was gonna do that, but I've been thinking. According to this, turning off the power will erase the scores permanently. That score is like my one big life accomplishment."

"What? If you don't hurry up, we could die in here!"

"Fair point. But, what is life anyway when compared to the immortality of a high score?" The walls then fall down and the cowboy head starts to inhale. The gang is being sucked toward the cowboy skull.

"Please! Turn it off!"

"Goodbye, high score." Pushes the button and the pinball game turns off. He and the teens wake up outside of the game "Woah! You okay?"

"Yes! You did it! You freed us! I'm sorry you had to lose your high score."

"That's Okay. I've got a new life accomplishment now. Saving you dudes." We hear aw's from the two.

"You think that pinball wench will call me?" Brian said.


	5. Truth Story

"I can't believe this nonsense. Witches? Brian winning at something? Where did you come up with this stuff? I'll tell you a good story. It's called "Wayne wins the football bowl". Cut to a football stadium. Stan makes a touchdown and dances.

Football player comes by and talks to him. "Mr. Smith, I thought that old folks were useless, but you taught me and my gloating friends a lesson."

Then beautiful woman start arriving in a gigantic trophy. "Here is your football winning trophy, Mr. Smith…"

"Thanks, beautiful woman. But I couldn't have done it without my sidekick, Footbot."

"Thank you for building me, Daddy!" A robot with a head and feet said. Wayne and football players laugh as fireworks go off. Cut back to the present. Everyone started booing.

"What? That story was great! I even threw in a talking robot for the kids."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna tell a non-terrible story. A story called "Trooth Ache!"

Cut to Saul, Claudette and Wayne walking. "So, let me get this straight. Your plan is to teach a bear to ride a bicycle?" Saul said as he was walking with Wayne and Claudette to his car.

"No. Come on, everyone's seen a bicycle-riding bear. No, no. I'm gonna teach this bear... to drive!"

Cut to Wayne's car driving crazily on the road. The bear is driving, Stan is in the passenger seat, and Dipper and Mabel are in the back seat. "And the yellow light means speed up." Wayne told the bear.

They hear cops' siren noise. "Uh oh." They stop and the officers look in the car. "What seems to be the problem, officers?" The bear roars.

"There better be a darn good explanation for this."

Wayne then thought quick on his feet. "Oh, there is. You see, I'm a very old man. Not long for this Earth. And the doctors assigned me a seeing eye bear to drive me to the hospital in case of an emergency."

"Is that right? Then, where is your doctor's note?"

"Why, it's right here, inside my jacket." He starts to write a note inside his lab coat quickly. "There you go."

He gives them the note, which says "Wayne is sick and needs a bear. -Dr. Medicine".

"Well, I can't argue with Dr. Medicine."

"To the hospital, honeypants!" Bear roars and drives away. We cut to Wayne in his TARDIS and Claudette talking to him.

"How could you lie to those policemen? Don't you know lying is always wrong?

"When you get to be my age, you'll learn that you sometimes have to bend the truth for the greater good." He starts to eat spaghetti while Saul comes in.

"Hey, have any of you seen my plate of spaghetti?" He hides the spaghetti behind him while turning around to Saul.

"No... But I bet Brian has. You know how he likes to eat."

"This is a dark day. Thanks." He then runs off

"See? Greater good."

We then cut to Claudette looking at him in annoyance. She then looks to her right and sees the book that Aaron had left. She then takes it without Wayne noticing. She then goes to a page. Maybe something in here can help with his lying.

"Buried 'neath a trees stump in the deep forest are the truth teeth, which forces upon the wearer the inability to lie." She reads. She then hatches a plan. Cut to Wayne sleeping at night. Claudette tip-toes in and puts truth teeth in his mouth.

Claudette slaps him in the face to wake him up. "What? What's going on? Huh? Claudette?"

"Quick question. What happened to Saul's spaghetti plate?"

"I ate it because I have little to no concern about other people's possessions or emotions." He then realizes what he just said. "That was strangely candid. Almost as if I am unable to lie. Well, good night"

Cut to that morning. "You what? That seems like a horrible idea!"

"It's great! Now he has to tell the truth. Don't worry, Saul. The truth is always a good thing." Cut to Wayne in the TARDIS doing his taxes.

Saul comes in and looks at one of the papers, which has "I HAVE COMMITTED TAX FRAUD" on it.

"Uh, why did you write this?"

"Because I regularly commit massive tax fraud. Also I don't wash my hands after going to the bathroom."

"You might wanna... tuck that one away there." He then shreds the paper. Cut to later. We hear him yelling to the two teens, who are in the TARDIS.

"Kids, I think I have a growth forming on my back. Just wanted to be honest with you guys."

"I can't take it anymore, Claudette! We need to take those teeth out of his mouth." The doorbell rings. The two run downstairs, where Wayne is standing in the doorway with the officers we met before.

"So, after further investigation, it turns out that there is no Dr. Medicine in Mercy Falls. You better have a darn good explanation for this."

"Oh and I do. You see, I lied to you. In addition, I've been parking in handicapped spaces, shoplifting fireworks, and smuggling endangered animals across multiple state lines. Also, you're fat."

The officer looks dumbfounded and drops his coffee. "Is all of this true?"

The two teens run down and Saul speaks up. "No! No, it's not true. Right, Claudette?"

"Uh, sirs, I have to be completely and totally honest with you. Our Wayne is...is...he is... secretly a crime fiction writer!" Claudette made up a lie.

"Yeah. He was just telling you about a character in his upcoming page turner, Crime Doctor! He's never committed a crime in his life. Also, have you lost weight?" Saul said as he tried to lie with her.

"Finally! Someone noticed." They started to push the two out and they start to close the door and sigh.

"I can't believe I lied." Claudette said.

"It was for the greater good." Saul tried to console her. We then hear someone on the phone. We see it's Wayne.

"Hello? Police station? I forgot to tell him about my tax fraud. No, tax fraud."

The two then tackle him. "What's gotten into you kids?" Claudette pulls out the teeth.

"We have to find a place to get rid of these!" Cut to Claudette throwing out the box into the bottomless pit at the beginning of the episode.


	6. Back to the Top

In the present, we see the gang still falling in the hole and Claudette finishing her story.

"And I never saw that box full of magical teeth again." The camera then pans next to Wayne and we see the box next to him. "Oh wait, there it is."

Everyone sighs. We then see the full picture of the gang and we see shoes next to Brian. "Oh, sweet! My shoes!" He puts his shoes back on.

"I like the part with the bear. The rest of it seems pretty far-fetched." Wayne said.

"We already know that story! We just lived through it." Saul said.

"If we're living through that story right now, then how does it end?" Brian asked.

"Guys, do you see that?" Wayne asked as they are approaching some light. They start to scream as the light takes up most of the screen. We then see that they fall out of the pit and onto the spot they fell from.

"Where... where are we?"

Claudette gasps. "Look! The TARDIS! Which means... we came right back out the top." They all look back in they look in the hole.

"And I don't think any time has passed. It must be some kind of wormhole." Saul theorized.

"Yeah, dude. That sounds science-y enough to be true."

"But that's impossible." Wayne started. "No one will believe us."

"Maybe this is one story we should keep to ourselves." Claudette finalized. They then all agreed.

We see Wayne is leaning on the sign that says "Bottomless Pit". It then breaks, and he falls into the hole screaming. No one said anything for a while until Brian spoke up.

"He'll be fine."

 _ **Hlnvgsrmt Ilggvm... gsviv'h Hlnvgsrmt Ilggvm...**_

We see Wayne still falling in silence down the hole. He then sighs.

"This is stupid." He said.


End file.
